Losing A Part Of Me.....

Really??....Is this not the sweetest picture???

I have been pondering this topic for a while now....ever since we found out Lee would be retiring.  

I married Lee shortly after I turned 23, I turn 47 in September....so, the math says I have been a military wife for over half of my life.  Being a military wife is kinda like having an extra part time job, in addition to your domestic goddess duties and your job that may actually pay.  You may not have come with your husband's sea bag...but you need to keep it together in order not to become the "sea hag"....(that was for you Amanda, I thought you would like that reference).

When you first marry your sailor (or soldier, or airman, as the case may be) it can be very overwhelming...you pretty much fly by the seat of your pants.  When I became a "coastie" spouse we did not have internet, or places like Coastie Chicks to find information.  All your intel came from your husband...and that message usually was never relayed back to you. Shoot, I found a couple boxes containing hundreds of letters Lee and I have sent while he was underway during his career.   You learn to trust the "been there and done that" wives.  Over the years, I became that wife.  In actuality, most of my CG spouse friends are a bit younger than me.  So, for almost 24 years, I have tossed out advice, supported friends during times when their spouses were underway, been there when babies came into the family, passed information along, let people know the ins and outs of moving...and so on.  Being a Coastie Wife has become so much of my identity.  It is in the back of my mind all the time...because I represent my husband and the CG.  

I often wonder if I did a good job...because I will admit there have been times when being a Coastie Wife kinda sucked....but there have been times (more often than not) when it has been the most amazing thing.  Not every civilian wife gets to travel by bus for 4 hours at the crack of dawn, with a one year old, to join her husband's boat and cruise the last part of a four month trip with them.  Not many know what it is like to have that first hug after not seeing your husband for 6 months.   How many have seen dolphins swim along the bow of a buoy-tender?  How many have gotten a call that said "we had a bird go down"...and be there for your husband as his base mourns the loss of 4 crew members.  Oh, and then there is the phone call after a week or so of radio silence...when you cannot email your man, and you honestly have no idea where in the world he actually is.  For every hard thing there has been something even better to outshine it.  Pinning on Lee's Chief anchors, made up for me missing every other time he ranked up.  Even Lee's "forced" retirement...its actually a blessing, because it is leading us home.

A couple weekends ago, when I got to visit the base we lived on in Petaluma, and made a quick trip into the exchange...my friends daughter pointed out all the Coast Guard Wife tees, mugs, auto decals and wondered why I did not have all that...at the time I thought "I don't need all that crap"...then it kinda dawned on me, was my snarky response because I feel like come next December...I won't be a Coast Guard Wife????   I won't be "Chief's wife", "SKC's wife" or "Temple's wife"...and even though it makes me really sad to leave this part of me behind...there is a new part of me to explore, "Lee's wife", "Mahoney's grandma", "Arrielle's mother-in-law", "proud mom to a psns worker and a university student", "Murray's (my dad) secretary", "Megan's aunt" and "Retired Coast Guard wife".   

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be a military wife, especially never thought I would be one for 24 years.  I am very grateful for the opportunity...because it made me more aware, wiser and a much stronger woman.  

As a friend reminded me....we get to be those older ladies clogging up the aisles at the commissary now, and when those young wives give us the evil eye, because they think they know it all...we can chuckle, because we have been there and done that and have a closet stuffed full of Coast Guard tee's, sweatshirts, ball caps and more crap to prove it!