Texas, in his Christmas finery!!!
Ok.....I kinda have to vent a little. I am trying hard to hold on to this Christmas spirit I am holding inside of me! There is one thing that bothers me....and since my guys (Lee, Mace and Elliott) rarely read this they won't know. Mason called the other night and told us our gift would be late...not really a big deal...but then he asked me what I wanted. That "question" from these three, who have lived with me most of their lives kinda cuts like a knife. Maybe it is a girl thing...but it should be pretty obvious what I like....look around, it is pretty blatant!!! I have to give Lee explicit lists....and in the end, I know what I am getting because he buys straight from the list. Elliott bought giant candy bars for all his friends at school...wanna know what he wanted to get me...a USB hub for my laptop...I would have loved a $2 Hershey bar more, because he noticed that I love chocolate. Mason seemed not to like my answer, that I wanted a Starbuck's gift card...he said he wanted to get my something just for me...really??? I have a cupboard filled with Starbuck's mugs that I treasure, I adore their coffee...and since our budget is so tight...I rarely get my beloved nonfat vanilla latte anymore. That is really what I wanted!! I don't want to sound ungrateful or selfish....but it sort of hurts when they don't know what to get me...like they are not paying any attention to what goes on around them. For years I have told Lee all I wanted was a love letter for Christmas...it is not so much the "thing" that I want as I want the "thought" behind the gift.
Sometimes, I wonder if the "Wonder of Christmas" is gone as they boys get older. I try so hard to get them special things..not just the things on the list they hand me, but special, more thoughtful things. This year, even with a very tight budget...I started plotting Christmas as soon as the last one was over...I think everyone will be happy. They know what they will get...as Santa has never let them down before. I wish I was as brave as Christine, we were texting back and forth about holiday plans and I asked her what she was getting her boys. She replied that all of their Christmas budget was going to go with her oldest son, Colby, to Belize in January....to be distributed to those that really need it. I like that.....and I am eager to hear about Colby's trip and the things he see's there.
My mom was pretty amazing at Christmas....her memory was like a trap! She would seem to hear all your wants throughout the year and would surprise you on Christmas. One year, while we were living in Texas...my mom had found somewhere, one of my favorite dolls I had when I was little, a Crissy doll...she had long hair that came out of the top of her head, red pretty hair...that you could lengthen and shorten with a knob on her back. My mom was so like Santa...and knew just what the perfect gift would be. I miss that.
Maybe next year, I will be brave like Chris...that would be interesting!! I want the wonder back, I want them to be thrilled with the thought I put into their gifts. I am hoping the magic will return with a little one in the family...I will get to see all the things I loved about Christmas again. The joy, excitement, the belief in something magical!!
No comments:
Post a Comment