For Christine...

Dear Christine, 

Over 32 years, can you believe it.  We survived breakups, divorces, the loss of your baby, the loss of my mom, raising our boys, and a million other things.  But, for some reason you left this earth...and my heart is feeling shattered.  Why were you taken away from us, unexpectedly and without explanation?

You knew me when I had different last names, shoot you knew me when I was thin!  You know my secrets, talked me through post partum depression, believed in me, when I could not believe in myself and you were my blog's biggest fan.  

The term "best friend" gives me anxiety, but you were the best friend a girl/woman could have asked for.  You would be annoyed by the amount of tears I have shed.  As I was about to go to sleep on Sunday, I told Lee I really needed to call you.  It will forever be a huge regret, that I didn't get on my phone and do just that. On Tuesday you died...I just want to text you one more time, tell you that I know you are smoking while we talk on the phone, I just want to hear your voice.  I wish I had saved your voicemails, now all I have is a voicemail from Jonathan telling me to call him...

Jonathan said you loved me so very much, and I did not realize how deep my love for you was until it was too late.  My heart has an ache, is it because I am holding you in there now?

I will miss you, but...I will forever cherish the friendship we have.  May you find peace in your heart and soul, my friend.